Articles to Inspire.Life-Skills with Lara.
These articles are designed to illuminate the path either as new awareness, considerations or confirmation. Sometimes the right words shared in the right time can bring us back to our true north, our essence and shine. As students for life we never stop learning, growing and evolving. Let's fill our cups with tasty morsels of enrichment - you become what you learn. |
At our core we all SHINE like a diamond. But just as a diamond needs to be polished and crafted into its full potential, so too do we. This blog is to Shine the Light on where and why we maybe giving our power away. And to create new awareness to take our power back and turn up the dial on our SHINE! 11 Reasons People Don’t Own Their SHINE:
1. Tall Poppy Syndrome - it's not ok to be better There is a very real chance that you have experienced this at some stage in your life as it’s a very real thing. So what is tall poppy syndrome? It is a social phenomenon in which people of genuine merit are resented, attacked, cut down, or criticised because their talents or achievements elevate them above or distinguish them from their peers. To stand out in the crowd often means to be a target of people’s wrath; not an easy space to navigate. So, we will often shrink to feel safe. 2. You’re up yourself (or perhaps you’re a wanker) Anyone else heard this being flung around labelling others? I heard this A LOT through school. I’d imagine this would be more slanted toward women (or girls) where men (boys) may have been called a wanker or something just as unkind. These types of comments are often targeted at people who naturally shine. They aren’t doing anything to anyone, often just going about their business of shining.… only to be targeted. So, you can imagine how as a young child this would have you want to hide your shine. And often that decision is made, and we never reclaimed our shine as an adult. And who would want to, as the memory of being a target is not something you’d want to welcome in again! 3. Unwelcome competition What’s the first thing you think of when I share the word ‘competition’? For me it’s sports, then I think of school grades, then I think of friends and what they are achieving, the job promotion, the winning a deal… the list goes on. We are taught to compete. We are celebrated when we ‘win’. And we are often gutted when we don’t. So as I see it one of two things happen; we either back down and don’t compete or we step it up and play even harder. Neither truly shine. Why, as life’s not a competition! 4. Underhanded snide comments Oh this one’s a doozy. I personally have experienced this one a lot. These are the comments that are said ‘as a joke’, or ‘just banter’, or ‘to be funny’, or ‘I’m just playing’. Let’s get this one cleared up straight away - these comments are the person’s true thoughts and feelings disguised as humour. I see these antics played out often, and when I do, again NO ONE SHINES. 5. Rejection – not everyone can handle your fire Learning to not take things to heart, to not take things personally and to understand rejection is perhaps one of the most challenging of them all. It can hurt like hell. So why would you shine when others can’t handle the beauty of your fire, and you are rejected and don’t understand why, and take it to heart. Best to keep that fire at a simmer. Sideline - It’s not easy for me to just share the reasons why people don’t shine... I’m busting to share the solutions. Next blog we will dive in! 6. Fakes - People telling you want they think you want to hear People who are struggling with certain aspects of their lives, will often feel a need to prove to others who are shining that they are winning in life. They tend to over-sell themselves, to ‘convince’ you of how well they’re doing. They tend to talk a lot (about themselves) and seemingly show interest in your life only to hijack the conversation and bring it back to them. It can be received as insincere, draining and not much fun. What does this often do – drain you of your SHINE. 7. People pleasing – Playing down your shine for the comfort of others I used to be guilty of playing down my shine, as I really wasn’t comfortable making others uncomfortable. When spending time with people who were struggling, I wouldn’t celebrate my life, in fact I’d do the opposite. Rather than saying ‘life is great’, I’d say ‘it’s good, but…’ and bring in reasons why it wasn’t great. I did this so that the person I was with would feel me as ‘the same’. And I’m sure you can read between the lines, I dulled my shine for the comfort of others. Hmm. 8. Gossip - People talking behind your back whilst being nice to your face I think this is known as gossiping, talking behind your back, backstabbing, two-faced… you get the drill. When we shine it can cause others to react in some strange ways. And whilst it’s nothing to do with us, it’s a reflection of the other person’s self-loathing that we become the target of. To have been a target of this type of energy is difficult, as often people are as nice as pie to your face, even complimenting you and then they are off storytelling to others. So here we are again, dulling our shine to avoid being talked about! 9. Our sabotage patterns take over – to stay small you fit in If there is one reason why we don’t shine that I believe everyone will identify with it’s this! How often do we stay small to fit in or stay small so we don’t have to feel our fears and emotions?! How often don’t we pursue the very thing that we desire, the things that are our calling, our purpose, our gifts, our greatness?! These are our sabotage patterns at play. Hmm enough said hey. 10. Standing out - Trying to be like everyone else, as being a lone wolf is scary To be accepted, to feel a sense of connection, a sense of belonging is often to move with the crowd. Add to that the acute pain of loneliness and there’s a recipe for dulling down your shine. To really shine sometimes means you have to let go of people in your life who aren’t able to meet you there. That sometimes following your call, owning your greatness means you are a forerunner leading others to do the same. The fact is that not everyone is coming with you, and there will be times you will want to dull your shine to avoid your loneliness. All I will say at this stage – you are never alone, and the world needs your SHINE! 11. Because who am I to be great… self-worth! Everything that is listed above, reasons 1 – 10 are all threaded to our sense of self-worth. If I was to give a simple definition for self-worth it is: "Showing up in the world as ‘unapologetically me’. If our sense of self-worth is low, we will always dull our SHINE. In fact, our SHINE reflects our self-worth! That's a wrap. I trust you have found something of value in this article. If so let me know with a like... and feel free to share it via the link below. Much love, Lara XO
We all get stuck in our ways, ways that we’ve been told, sold and brought into. And then, just like driving a car, we just keep on driving without really having to be conscious of the drive, we just do it in what’s known an unconscious competence level; in other words, we don’t think about it, we just do it.
We live everyday life imbrued by a few of these similar types of habits. Certain paradigms of thought and beliefs that we have assumed are now embedded in our behaviours, and yet they are not necessarily of conscious choice and awareness. Nor evolutionary in content. We are so much more than what we do on a rinse and repeat cycle... we are powerhouse creators with endless possibilities and opportunity to live a truly enriching and purpose-filled life. One such paradigm that needs an over hall is this old chestnut - we all have our ‘good days and bad days’. If I buy into this as a way of life it becomes just that, your way of life. What if instead, there aren’t any good days or bad days, rather there are growth days or as I like to frame them, evolutionary days (in place of bad days) and there are enriched days (good days) – and it’s not measured by a day, rather by moments. I’ve certainly had a few periods in my life where I was working through some pretty big challenges; grief comes to mind. It would be so easy to label that time as a ‘shit time’, a bad few days, weeks, years… whatever language we use. And yet that period of my life was hugely challenging no question, but also hugely rewarding. I grew so much through this period of time, I learned about the cycle of life and death, the process of grief, a new depth of love, I rose above my fear of death… and my evolutionary vigour has strengthened my way of life in all ways... I feel completely enriched by this time. There was nothing ‘bad’ or ‘good’ about it. Let’s explore with a few considerations: As soon as we say it’s a good day or bad day we have set an expectation and forfeited flow. Our flow state is where we are in the infinite possibilities at play, the opportunity to deepen our awareness, and feel more of our true essence in the driver’s seat. If we live according to a dogma such as this, we are then bound by the consciousness of that which we have been indoctrinated into. In other words, we don’t know there is something greater. Beware of time as a measure - If time is a measure and we set it to a clock that is one day, we can get caught in the unconscious alignment that it’s just one day to the next, rather than a way of life. Think of time, not as linear, rather cyclical where we get to deepen into a way of life that is truly aligned to our own rhythm and flow, keeping our growth game strong. Everything that challenges us, teaches us. Think about it, if we are reacting (the mother of all disharmony), or suffering (the unnecessary aspect of pain), or feeling anything that is uncomfortable, unsettling or unsafe these are all indicators that we need to look within to see where we are allowing these aspects to take us out (of our flow). When we do look within we can gain new awareness allowing the healing, which in turn releases and clears what challenges us, and as a result we get solid in ourselves (growth). The gift of adversity is it’s life’s greatest teacher. Imagine each time you work at this level how you would deepen into your sense of self, your worth, your shine, your greatness – igniting true lasting enrichment. Isn’t that a better way to define ‘a bad day’ as a growth day, igniting your evolutionary vigour! You know those days that just flow even though there’s a lot going on, when your growth is strong and nothing gets to you (like it used to), where you smile all day, where people are delighted in conversation with you, where you feel in complete alignment… those are the enriched days you get to live as a result of your growth days, and evolutionary vigour. The days you feel a skip in your step, bringing your all, your A-Game, your Greatness and Shine... that is who we are innately. Kind of puts good days and bad days in the past right?! In summary – it’s not about good days and bad days… it’s about growth days and enriched living. The depth that is on offer for all if us to continually evolve is what it’s about. Not to get better days, rather to deeply align to all you are and all that is on offer, always. The invitation - break the cycle of good and bad, move into growth and enriching… and see what starts to shift in your everyday life. With love, Lara (aka Miss Behaviour) XO www.missbehaviour.com.au PS - Let me know if this was helpful by hitting 'like' button below. Your feedback really matters! 3/8/2022 LET'S TALK BEHAVIOUR PULL-UPS - what are they and how do we apply to set healthy boundaries.Read Now
Let’s talk pull ups. Firstly, what are they?
If a behaviour doesn’t align to meet what is required; be it openness, kindness, loving, respectful, collaborate, spacious, honouring etc, or if it’s hurtful or unnecessary… do we let that behaviour continue, or do we pull up that behaviour (person)? A pull up is simply to say, ‘that’s not ok’ and ‘there’s a better way’. As we reclaim our own worthiness we will often have to introduce pull-ups in our expression. As we change, we have to re-introduce ourselves, and sometimes that means we have to teach people how to treat us. Like anything we do for the first time it’s always a bit uncomfortable, even messy. But if we do nothing, nothing changes. A pull-up isn’t about making the other person wrong, being righteous, and certainly not bound by emotional charge, as believe me that will only cause a further shit show! Learning to address behaviours that aren’t ok takes time, it’s about our willingness to embrace our imperfection and dealing with any consequences that may result from not quite having the know-how to manage the (word) slip ups, mishaps or misunderstandings. With that said one of the biggest obstacles for getting into these types of conversations is how it makes them feel, even in just thinking about doing it. So many people are more fearful in tabling what’s not working, more-so than address the person for fear of becoming immersed in the uncomfortable murky waters. The knock-on effect where we don’t introduce change is the behaviours we don’t call out continue, as the other person is left to believe they haven’t done anything wrong... or that there’s no call for a change in behaviour so in some cases the behaviour becomes even more embedded. Something left unsaid for a long time when finally addressed is often bound by full resistance and denial. And so too the resentment that remains unresolved turns very quickly into toxicity. By that I mean it becomes something that is over-talked with others, fuelled by drama, impacting stress levels, creating even more bad behaviours, wanting to escape, feed addictions and in so doing disconnecting from our innate joy, in inner-harmony. There’s a distinction worth mentioning… and that is NOT everything that fits undesired behaviour needs to be pulled up. In some cases, we simply walk away, or hold steady in our own lane, or as the saying goes see it for what it is, ‘water off a duck’s back’. However, if it is something that doesn’t fit our standards, our level of love and respect, our way of being in the world, then we may find it’s necessary. This is where the art of discernment comes into play. To add, if we are being triggered by these behaviours, first is to understand where in ourselves is this being activated, and what healing do we need to bring to ourselves so that the behaviour doesn’t impact at all. Then address the behaviour from a rock solid place. That’s where we are most effective in The Art of Pull-up’s. There’s so much we can bring to this…
There’s so much we can continually apply to improve our daily lives; new learning, growth and deepening our personal evolution. It’s endless. And it starts by wanting to change. Pull-ups help us all to evolve. of course there has to be a desire to change. If there is, let's help each other shine. If only this was taught at school....or at home, or at work. Know it's never to late to learn. Big love, Lara XO
Everyone wants to feel harmony in their lives. To experience more ease and flow, presence and connection, love and joy.
This often goes hand-in-hand with having to make changes at some level. When we say yes to change, working through what challenges us, seeking growth, we have to be able to hear the things that most don’t want to hear, or have said, or have to say. This can become a major roadblock as we are somewhat ill-equipped to welcome the ‘call outs’ that are required to know what’s in the way. Even those who say they want to know, often do sincerely want to know, but when delivered they haven’t learned how to receive it and hold it, so they too can go into reaction. So you can imagine how this can get in the way of true lasting change, as often it is to have someone name what is in the way that gives us the awareness and access to all the feel-goods we seek. Without doubt this is one of the greatest barriers to change - not wanting to hear what needs to be said because of how it makes you feel. You’d know it by the sting you feel, the unavoidable ouch, your body contracts, your mind races, you feel to defend, or justify, or avoid and shut down. Or perhaps you feel overwhelmed with emotion, and you would rather not be seen in this ‘ugliness’, and ‘keep it together’. Maybe it’s all of the above, maybe one or maybe something else is the indicator to you that you are in reaction - the point is you know when you are in reaction, simply because it doesn’t feel good. Almost everyone feels this to varying degrees. We have built strategies around not wanting to hear the truth. For some they use aggression, some hide, others blame and complain (only to go around in circles or receive the wrong advice), and some simply feel beaten and powerless and get down on themselves and life. The reality is, often the reactions keep circulating and eventually they may feel like they have loosened their grip, however the damage may well have been done. As a result we can actually harden to defend against what's been named. Rather than allowing what can be a gift of required healing. This goes for those who welcome truth too, in fact a lot of the times the people who say ‘yes always call out what is needed…’ find it the hardest to hear. Not because they don't want to hear it, more-so what do we do when we hear it, how do we process it? We need to get really honest with ourselves… with where we are both giving and receiving pull ups. If we aren't comfortable with receiving, we won't be comfortable with giving, and visa-versa. What often happens is it falls short, in that we invite it in, or agree to what's being presented (or not) and decide it's too much too late. Imagine you are invited to a restaurant which advertises ‘all you can eat’ to then say after the meal has been consumed, ‘sorry you only get one dish'. You'd feel tricked. This is not dissimilar. I always say, if you are triggered, reactive, hurt by what someone says, it’s yours (to own), not theirs. And if you are able to hear what someone calls out and hold steady, chances are it’s their stuff, their projection. And then there are those who can hold steady when the truth is delivered regardless of the response. Those who can feel the sting on delivery and know that is theirs, take responsibility and work with the knowing that the reaction is theirs to own - and not strike out at the other person. Imagine a world with this level of maturity. I’ve learned over the many years of seeing therapists and working with mentors how to hold steady, as well how to welcome the pull up, own the stings and then go deeper to heal the wound that is underlying, until it is no longer true. In fact, if I wasn’t able to deal with pull-ups myself, then I would be a terrible counsellor/mentor. What most perhaps don’t fully understand, as I know I didn’t for the longest time, is a pull up or what you could call being ‘called out’, is actually an act of love. Of course, it could well be an act of cruelty, albeit in these occasions it shines the light on where we need to heal. Why - as the day we no longer react, we are free. Dare I say those who trigger us teach us where in ourselves we are not fully claimed?! I can hear the argument that certain behaviours need a reaction - and I don’t disagree, well to a point. As often, when we read the situation and discern the willingness of the person we are pulling up, they may not be able to hear it. Therefore, if we have any form of attachment to a certain outcome, or changing the behaviour, we are only going to add fuel to the fire. A non-reactive pull-up is so much more powerful. A response that is from a solid place that simply holds true that the behaviour is not ok. With no attachment to the outcome. This is where we create healthy boundaries, set from the tone of love, as love wouldn’t let someone abuse you. Love wouldn’t allow certain behaviours, but not from a fighting position, from a place that simply is no longer impacted by absorbing the reaction. So in this way, it’s not necessarily that we have to literally pull someone up by addressing the behaviour, we can simply not react, which diminishes the intended impact of the words and actions. The quote that always sums this up brilliantly: It’s 10% of what happens to us, and 90% of how we choose to respond. Our responses are everything. I often say, if there was one goal in life that would guarantee your growth game is strong it’s this - to learn not to react. As when we are non-reactive we bring forth an unwavering presence of truth, bound by love. And not a fluffy kind of love, a powerful force that says no to what is not ok - spoken or unspoken. If we don’t learn to be pulled up or called out, if we protect, dodge and hide - nothing will change. If it is a loving call out, it may well still sting, if it is in fact true. That’s the power of love, to stamp out what doesn’t belong. If it is a call out from intending harm, it’s an opportunity to see how the force of harm triggers us, to see where we let it in, and to heal and reclaim our unshakeable foundation. So you see, call outs teach us. And if we are courageous enough they illuminate the path of what’s next for our own evolution to continue to learn, grow, and evolve. To bring our all. This isn’t about toughening up - far from it! This is about melting the armour, choosing our healing, and reclaiming our personal power. It’s about being willing to be seen in our vulnerability, our rawness and knowing what’s in the way so we can move it out of the way. As when we do, not only are our lives enriched, we are also illuminating the way for others. That’s how true lasting change happens, by being the change. If only this was taught in school... Know it's never too late to learn. Much love, Lara XO (aka Miss Behaviour) |
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Author - Lara WilsonHi, I'm Lara (aka Miss Behaviour). I'm an educator, mentor, counsellor and facilitator helping people and businesses to navigate challenges, growth and change. If I had a dollar for every time clients, friends, colleagues say, ‘this should be taught...’ I would be very wealthy. Learning life-skills has long been overlooked by placing importance on ‘subjects’ that are never again used after school life; as well 'teachings' handed down from generation to generation that keep repeating. To thrive in the world we NEED the know-how by learning the essential navigation to meet all that life throws at us, to break patterns and cycles, and realise there is so much more to gain. This site is a resource to learn, grow and evolve. You will find me writing most of my content from my home overlooking the lake, inspired by my beach walks soaking in the glow of sunrise and sunset. Archives
August 2022
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