Articles to Inspire.
Life-Skills with Lara.
These articles are designed to illuminate the path either as new awareness, considerations or confirmation. Sometimes the right words shared in the right time can bring us back to our true north, our essence and shine. As students for life we never stop learning, growing and evolving. Let's fill our cups with tasty morsels of enrichment - you become what you learn.
We all get stuck in our ways, ways that we’ve been told, sold and brought into. And then, just like driving a car, we just keep on driving without really having to be conscious of the drive, we just do it in what’s known an unconscious competence level; in other words, we don’t think about it, we just do it.
We live everyday life imbrued by a few of these similar types of habits. Certain paradigms of thought and beliefs that we have assumed are now embedded in our behaviours, and yet they are not necessarily of conscious choice and awareness. Nor evolutionary in content.
We are so much more than what we do on a rinse and repeat cycle... we are powerhouse creators with endless possibilities and opportunity to live a truly enriching and purpose-filled life.
One such paradigm that needs an over hall is this old chestnut - we all have our ‘good days and bad days’.
If I buy into this as a way of life it becomes just that, your way of life. What if instead, there aren’t any good days or bad days, rather there are growth days or as I like to frame them, evolutionary days (in place of bad days) and there are enriched days (good days) – and it’s not measured by a day, rather by moments.
I’ve certainly had a few periods in my life where I was working through some pretty big challenges; grief comes to mind. It would be so easy to label that time as a ‘shit time’, a bad few days, weeks, years… whatever language we use. And yet that period of my life was hugely challenging no question, but also hugely rewarding. I grew so much through this period of time, I learned about the cycle of life and death, the process of grief, a new depth of love, I rose above my fear of death… and my evolutionary vigour has strengthened my way of life in all ways... I feel completely enriched by this time. There was nothing ‘bad’ or ‘good’ about it.
Let’s explore with a few considerations:
As soon as we say it’s a good day or bad day we have set an expectation and forfeited flow. Our flow state is where we are in the infinite possibilities at play, the opportunity to deepen our awareness, and feel more of our true essence in the driver’s seat.
If we live according to a dogma such as this, we are then bound by the consciousness of that which we have been indoctrinated into. In other words, we don’t know there is something greater.
Beware of time as a measure - If time is a measure and we set it to a clock that is one day, we can get caught in the unconscious alignment that it’s just one day to the next, rather than a way of life.
Think of time, not as linear, rather cyclical where we get to deepen into a way of life that is truly aligned to our own rhythm and flow, keeping our growth game strong.
Everything that challenges us, teaches us. Think about it, if we are reacting (the mother of all disharmony), or suffering (the unnecessary aspect of pain), or feeling anything that is uncomfortable, unsettling or unsafe these are all indicators that we need to look within to see where we are allowing these aspects to take us out (of our flow).
When we do look within we can gain new awareness allowing the healing, which in turn releases and clears what challenges us, and as a result we get solid in ourselves (growth).
The gift of adversity is it’s life’s greatest teacher.
Imagine each time you work at this level how you would deepen into your sense of self, your worth, your shine, your greatness – igniting true lasting enrichment. Isn’t that a better way to define ‘a bad day’ as a growth day, igniting your evolutionary vigour!
You know those days that just flow even though there’s a lot going on, when your growth is strong and nothing gets to you (like it used to), where you smile all day, where people are delighted in conversation with you, where you feel in complete alignment… those are the enriched days you get to live as a result of your growth days, and evolutionary vigour.
The days you feel a skip in your step, bringing your all, your A-Game, your Greatness and Shine... that is who we are innately. Kind of puts good days and bad days in the past right?!
In summary – it’s not about good days and bad days… it’s about growth days and enriched living. The depth that is on offer for all if us to continually evolve is what it’s about. Not to get better days, rather to deeply align to all you are and all that is on offer, always.
The invitation - break the cycle of good and bad, move into growth and enriching… and see what starts to shift in your everyday life.
With love, Lara (aka Miss Behaviour) XO
PS - Let me know if this was helpful by hitting 'like' button below. Your feedback really matters!
Let’s talk pull ups. Firstly, what are they?
If a behaviour doesn’t align to meet what is required; be it openness, kindness, loving, respectful, collaborate, spacious, honouring etc, or if it’s hurtful or unnecessary… do we let that behaviour continue, or do we pull up that behaviour (person)?
A pull up is simply to say, ‘that’s not ok’ and ‘there’s a better way’.
As we reclaim our own worthiness we will often have to introduce pull-ups in our expression. As we change, we have to re-introduce ourselves, and sometimes that means we have to teach people how to treat us.
Like anything we do for the first time it’s always a bit uncomfortable, even messy. But if we do nothing, nothing changes.
A pull-up isn’t about making the other person wrong, being righteous, and certainly not bound by emotional charge, as believe me that will only cause a further shit show!
Learning to address behaviours that aren’t ok takes time, it’s about our willingness to embrace our imperfection and dealing with any consequences that may result from not quite having the know-how to manage the (word) slip ups, mishaps or misunderstandings.
With that said one of the biggest obstacles for getting into these types of conversations is how it makes them feel, even in just thinking about doing it. So many people are more fearful in tabling what’s not working, more-so than address the person for fear of becoming immersed in the uncomfortable murky waters.
The knock-on effect where we don’t introduce change is the behaviours we don’t call out continue, as the other person is left to believe they haven’t done anything wrong... or that there’s no call for a change in behaviour so in some cases the behaviour becomes even more embedded. Something left unsaid for a long time when finally addressed is often bound by full resistance and denial.
And so too the resentment that remains unresolved turns very quickly into toxicity. By that I mean it becomes something that is over-talked with others, fuelled by drama, impacting stress levels, creating even more bad behaviours, wanting to escape, feed addictions and in so doing disconnecting from our innate joy, in inner-harmony.
There’s a distinction worth mentioning… and that is NOT everything that fits undesired behaviour needs to be pulled up. In some cases, we simply walk away, or hold steady in our own lane, or as the saying goes see it for what it is, ‘water off a duck’s back’.
However, if it is something that doesn’t fit our standards, our level of love and respect, our way of being in the world, then we may find it’s necessary. This is where the art of discernment comes into play.
To add, if we are being triggered by these behaviours, first is to understand where in ourselves is this being activated, and what healing do we need to bring to ourselves so that the behaviour doesn’t impact at all. Then address the behaviour from a rock solid place. That’s where we are most effective in The Art of Pull-up’s.
There’s so much we can bring to this…
There’s so much we can continually apply to improve our daily lives; new learning, growth and deepening our personal evolution. It’s endless. And it starts by wanting to change.
Pull-ups help us all to evolve. of course there has to be a desire to change. If there is, let's help each other shine.
If only this was taught at school....or at home, or at work.
Know it's never to late to learn.
Everyone wants to feel harmony in their lives. To experience more ease and flow, presence and connection, love and joy.
This often goes hand-in-hand with having to make changes at some level.
When we say yes to change, working through what challenges us, seeking growth, we have to be able to hear the things that most don’t want to hear, or have said, or have to say.
This can become a major roadblock as we are somewhat ill-equipped to welcome the ‘call outs’ that are required to know what’s in the way.
Even those who say they want to know, often do sincerely want to know, but when delivered they haven’t learned how to receive it and hold it, so they too can go into reaction.
So you can imagine how this can get in the way of true lasting change, as often it is to have someone name what is in the way that gives us the awareness and access to all the feel-goods we seek.
Without doubt this is one of the greatest barriers to change - not wanting to hear what needs to be said because of how it makes you feel.
You’d know it by the sting you feel, the unavoidable ouch, your body contracts, your mind races, you feel to defend, or justify, or avoid and shut down. Or perhaps you feel overwhelmed with emotion, and you would rather not be seen in this ‘ugliness’, and ‘keep it together’.
Maybe it’s all of the above, maybe one or maybe something else is the indicator to you that you are in reaction - the point is you know when you are in reaction, simply because it doesn’t feel good. Almost everyone feels this to varying degrees.
We have built strategies around not wanting to hear the truth. For some they use aggression, some hide, others blame and complain (only to go around in circles or receive the wrong advice), and some simply feel beaten and powerless and get down on themselves and life.
The reality is, often the reactions keep circulating and eventually they may feel like they have loosened their grip, however the damage may well have been done. As a result we can actually harden to defend against what's been named. Rather than allowing what can be a gift of required healing.
This goes for those who welcome truth too, in fact a lot of the times the people who say ‘yes always call out what is needed…’ find it the hardest to hear. Not because they don't want to hear it, more-so what do we do when we hear it, how do we process it?
We need to get really honest with ourselves… with where we are both giving and receiving pull ups. If we aren't comfortable with receiving, we won't be comfortable with giving, and visa-versa.
What often happens is it falls short, in that we invite it in, or agree to what's being presented (or not) and decide it's too much too late. Imagine you are invited to a restaurant which advertises ‘all you can eat’ to then say after the meal has been consumed, ‘sorry you only get one dish'. You'd feel tricked. This is not dissimilar.
I always say, if you are triggered, reactive, hurt by what someone says, it’s yours (to own), not theirs. And if you are able to hear what someone calls out and hold steady, chances are it’s their stuff, their projection.
And then there are those who can hold steady when the truth is delivered regardless of the response. Those who can feel the sting on delivery and know that is theirs, take responsibility and work with the knowing that the reaction is theirs to own - and not strike out at the other person.
Imagine a world with this level of maturity.
I’ve learned over the many years of seeing therapists and working with mentors how to hold steady, as well how to welcome the pull up, own the stings and then go deeper to heal the wound that is underlying, until it is no longer true.
In fact, if I wasn’t able to deal with pull-ups myself, then I would be a terrible counsellor/mentor.
What most perhaps don’t fully understand, as I know I didn’t for the longest time, is a pull up or what you could call being ‘called out’, is actually an act of love.
Of course, it could well be an act of cruelty, albeit in these occasions it shines the light on where we need to heal.
Why - as the day we no longer react, we are free.
Dare I say those who trigger us teach us where in ourselves we are not fully claimed?!
I can hear the argument that certain behaviours need a reaction - and I don’t disagree, well to a point. As often, when we read the situation and discern the willingness of the person we are pulling up, they may not be able to hear it. Therefore, if we have any form of attachment to a certain outcome, or changing the behaviour, we are only going to add fuel to the fire.
A non-reactive pull-up is so much more powerful. A response that is from a solid place that simply holds true that the behaviour is not ok. With no attachment to the outcome.
This is where we create healthy boundaries, set from the tone of love, as love wouldn’t let someone abuse you. Love wouldn’t allow certain behaviours, but not from a fighting position, from a place that simply is no longer impacted by absorbing the reaction.
So in this way, it’s not necessarily that we have to literally pull someone up by addressing the behaviour, we can simply not react, which diminishes the intended impact of the words and actions.
The quote that always sums this up brilliantly:
It’s 10% of what happens to us, and 90% of how we choose to respond.
Our responses are everything.
I often say, if there was one goal in life that would guarantee your growth game is strong it’s this - to learn not to react.
As when we are non-reactive we bring forth an unwavering presence of truth, bound by love. And not a fluffy kind of love, a powerful force that says no to what is not ok - spoken or unspoken.
If we don’t learn to be pulled up or called out, if we protect, dodge and hide - nothing will change.
If it is a loving call out, it may well still sting, if it is in fact true. That’s the power of love, to stamp out what doesn’t belong.
If it is a call out from intending harm, it’s an opportunity to see how the force of harm triggers us, to see where we let it in, and to heal and reclaim our unshakeable foundation.
So you see, call outs teach us. And if we are courageous enough they illuminate the path of what’s next for our own evolution to continue to learn, grow, and evolve. To bring our all.
This isn’t about toughening up - far from it!
This is about melting the armour, choosing our healing, and reclaiming our personal power. It’s about being willing to be seen in our vulnerability, our rawness and knowing what’s in the way so we can move it out of the way.
As when we do, not only are our lives enriched, we are also illuminating the way for others. That’s how true lasting change happens, by being the change.
If only this was taught in school...
Know it's never too late to learn.
(aka Miss Behaviour)
Gossip - it's a big topic often needing to be worked through in my practice, a space that can be very confusing, hurtful and hard to navigate. This blog is to help create deeper awareness and understand within this space.
There are people who gossip to destroy your character, to get others ‘on their side’, to fuel their righteousness, to feed their wound (so they stay as they are), to deflect responsibility, to feed their ego. These aspects can play at varying degrees, ultimately there’s a personal agenda when someone sets out to gossip.
On the other side of this equation, there is no longer a need to discuss another for any reason whatsoever, as one’s depth of wisdom and compassion holds solid. And it is not spoken of unless it serves for the betterment of humanity. Now that’s what I call the ultimate next level of mastery.
We don't just get there overnight, it's a process. To reach mastery level there are times of necessity to talk through a situation that has challenged you, not to gossip and destroy, rather as an opportunity to unpack what has occurred gaining growth and wisdom.
The trick here can be in choosing the right person to do this with, as the wrong person can steer you into their own agenda, and before you know it you are in the gossip mill. And often once you are in it’s hard to get out as gossip can have a powerful grip.
The great news is - you hold the power of how the conversation will go. As you will either see it as an opportunity to deepen into truth and compassion or be a part of the destructive gossip.
Let’s delve a little deeper and break this down - we are either having destructive or constructive discussions:
Below are a few examples of why people gossip and what to be aware of:
People who are working to destroy your character are often doing so as they are battling their own internal demons of insecurities, comparison, jealousy or competitiveness. If they succeed in destroying another’s character the payoff is to feel (a false) sense of superiority.
Gossipers will manipulate the conversation so they look like the obvious choice to be agreed with. People will gossip to get people ‘on their side’ so they don’t feel ostracised.
Pay attention to how people talk about other people to you in private, because that’s exactly how they talk about you to others.
People will often gossip as they are questioning their own truth… in other words, if I say ‘x’ about this person and they agree I must be right. Rather than looking to see what is true within, it’s easier to get others agreement, it’s a great bypass for what may have been a deeper truth.
Consideration - People who are intimidated by you talk bad about you with hopes that others won’t find you so appealing.
Below are a few pointers to allow the effective outcomes:
Discussing another person to allow you the opportunity to deepen your awareness, understanding and compassion to let go of the story at play can be healthy. People who trigger you are always teaching you.
Sharing from absolute integrity; in other words if I say something to another person I would also be sharing it to the person spoken of, no secrets.
A great maxim to live by - It’s not about who is real to your face, it’s about who stays real behind your back.
Sometimes situations will present when someone will ask you your opinion, it happens. Sharing openly about your experience, without ill intent and any sign of drama to allow others to make their own choices from free will… ‘this is only my opinion’. Add to that, ‘what I have learned from this is’…. now you are completely deflecting from gossip and taking ownership.. and that’s mighty sexy!
The more we work on ourselves to cultivate and embody self-worth, self-love and self-belief the less we need to gossip or to unpack conversations. We are able to better read, understand and bring compassion to the experience. There will be nothing to be discussed, in fact it will feel like a total waste of time and energy.
What also starts to develop are healthy connections that are loving and supportive, and yes at times keeping us accountable, that said holding people accountable is love, as when I’m holding you accountable I’m saying “You’re capable of a bigger game”.
A healthy and healed person does not speak ill of others.
What we need to start to do is talk to each other, rather than about each other. To own what is ours, and observe what is not. And to continue to deepen into our worthiness and compassion.
Ronald Reagan quoted: “I’ve always believed that a lot of the trouble in the world would disappear if we were talking to each other instead of about each other”... wise words.
And remember - wise choices always SHINE!
If I had a dollar for every time a client, friends, colleagues say, ‘this should be taught at school’ I would be wealthy. Learning life-skills has long been overlooked by placing importance on ‘subjects’ that are never again used after school life. And yet to thrive in the world we NEED to know how by learning the essential navigation to meet all that life throws at us.
We are students for life. It’s never too late to learn. And there are so many amazing tools, insights and new awareness to be gained that change the way we experience life and the everyday events.
We need to abolish the myth that when we become an adult we stop learning… as we never stop learning. We came here to evolve, and to do this we must embrace a path of learning and growth. One way to look at this is expressed in this quote by Scott Horton;
“If we think we’re green we grow. If we think we’re ripe we rot”.
The biggest motivator for us all should be that we need to know this stuff to guide future generations, to break family patterns, to provide the greatest possible start for all those still to come.. and to be a part of influencing a better world. Isn’t that enough to bring this to everyday as your purpose in life?
It’s essential if we wish to see the future generations not only survive but thrive in what may continue to be a challenging world with so much to navigate through.
Not only that, there are so many people struggling where it’s not necessary. And there are so many ways that this could be overcome. Relationships, work, family dynamics to people dealing with their own personal demons, feelings of inadequacy, struggles with their own sense of belonging, loneliness, disconnection and discontentment.
There’s often a rather heavy blanket of shame that smoothers the all-important self-help world. One that needs to be removed if we are ever to rise above the BS that we are broken or damaged if we seek help. How ridiculous… think about it, when we seek help we are looking after ourselves – isn’t that an act of self-love?!
We all got short changed in education at school. We were cheated out of what are the essential subjects that will not just have us survive but thrive. That would have us know who we are, what we bring and how great we each are in how we contribute to the greater all.
I could go on but I feel you get the gist of it!
These are all the things we can learn, that will have us return to our true essence and shine. That will have us live our greatness, that will impact a better world.
So.. the invitation is to join me as I share with you the ways in which we can embrace being a Student for Life, to change the game, outgrow old patterns, bring your all, break the cycle and be a role model for all those to come.
Let’s do this!
Don’t be fooled by those in the imitation game
We are all imitating someone.
For me in my younger years it was actresses, the cool kids at school and on tv. Then it become my colleagues who were successful, followed with speakers and presenters.
I would study them and then go about reproducing their qualities, style, demeanour and behaviours. When I look back it was largely how I shaped my personality. If I liked something I would add it to my repertoire.
I created a laser focus for what was liked, celebrated and revered… I was a collector - adding qualities as I would go.
And I was really good at it.
But at what cost?
If you look up the definition of imitation it says:
1. the action of using someone or something as a model;
2. to simulate or copy something else.
A lot of what we are taught is focused on learning through imitation. Example, in NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) there is a technique called “modelling” as a process for recreating excellence by modelling human behaviour - basically copying the behaviours of others.
The challenge with this is it’s often only adding more layers to your personality, obstructing the real you, what is true and the effortless (and authentic) expression from within you. Can you see the set-up here?
Imitation is reflected in the ‘fake it till you make it’ concept.
We take on identities of others when we look outside ourselves for validation, to be liked, to feel connected, to be someone, to be successful. Why, so as to not feel like a failure, to avoid feeling like we don’t belong and that there is something wrong with us.
And yet this is often the very thing we DO create; a feeling of failure, a sense of not belonging (unless we behave a certain way), and that something really is wrong!
Then in our dissatisfaction we continue our search and in doing so we slowly move further and further away from who we truly are… (from our gorgeousness that is innate in who we are).
If you think about it it’s almost the opposite of the onion theory, rather than peeling the layers back we are adding layers on. Until we have added so many layers of imitation we don’t even know the truth anymore.
We are lost in the many disguises we have assumed.
There’s no question there are people who have been highly rewarded for their imitations, and they will do everything to stay in character, as that’s what has got them to where they are… and there’s very little chance they will give that up - as ‘who I am without my identity'.. it’s a very scary contemplation.
And yet for others it’s so obvious that they are not being true to themselves. They experience social anxiety, awkwardness, often trying to live up to others expectations, to say the right things, to do the right things.. it’s exhausting, disheartening and creates despair.
The message here - don’t be fooled by those in the imitation game. Don’t compare yourself those who have forfeited their true self. As to model these persona’s is just madness.
Don’t let the world tell you who you are.
The path of self-discovery is not about adding more to become who you are, it's about unpacking and removing the layers of all that you have taken on that are NOT true to you!
Find your way back to who you are at your core; the glorious self that is authentic, self-aware, self-assured, aligned, connected, loving, powerful, strong, sensitive and sweet.
The world doesn’t need more fakeness - It needs you in your essence, your uniqueness, and your glorious shine.
With love, Lara xo (aka Miss Behaviour)
PS - Let me know if this was helpful by hitting 'like' under the share button below. Your feedback really matters! Thanks so much.
Author - Lara Wilson
Hi, I'm Lara (aka Miss Behaviour). I'm an educator, mentor, counsellor and facilitator helping people and businesses to navigate challenges, growth and change. If I had a dollar for every time clients, friends, colleagues say, ‘this should be taught...’ I would be very wealthy. Learning life-skills has long been overlooked by placing importance on ‘subjects’ that are never again used after school life; as well 'teachings' handed down from generation to generation that keep repeating. To thrive in the world we NEED the know-how by learning the essential navigation to meet all that life throws at us, to break patterns and cycles, and realise there is so much more to gain. This site is a resource to learn, grow and evolve. You will find me writing most of my content from my home overlooking the lake, inspired by my beach walks soaking in the glow of sunrise and sunset.